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An Apology


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I know, it has been long over due. Over a year [or was it two...], in fact. But better late than never, and better stated with sincerity rather than with any sort of frailty.

I wish to apologize to my former Alliance. For often I get over protective of things I care for. True, it was just an alliance, but it was my first, and I hoped, my only. As a cancerian, change and I do not bode well, if at all. The things I claim my home mean a lot, and even if it means I must fight to the death to keep it, then I shall. Undermining the change of power and my own alliance, was not something I should have done, especially if it meant something to me.

Secondly, I wish to apologize to my former TK members. I was scoping my e mails for something, and in doing so, I saw how much of a complete bitch I was. And yes, I can say that because it's about me so neyeh. (: p) When I think of myself as a leader, I don't like to think of myself as harsh, ungrateful or ruling with an iron fist. Yet that seems that that is how I was. During that time, I enjoyed what I did, but I also feared for my own standing as a leader, and strove to do the best I could, even if that meant behind the scenes my own agents were dissatisfied at how I treated them. All that mattered was the people who we worked for, and those who we worked to appease were happy. That was all that mattered.

Thirdly, I apologize to all of MD. I had become snarky, cynical, and rude. I still am quite cynical, jaded a little bit, but my jadedness has nothing to do with MD this time. More just with life in general. I had attacked those not needing attacking, I was more destructive than constructive. At times, I still am, but I am human, as are all of you.

Fourthly, to Mur, I apologize. The last things I said to you I stated out of spite, and I am glad that things are alright now, but I cannot feel sorry for my actions. The slander was unnecessary, no matter how angry or righteous I felt.

But through all of this, I cannot say I have completely changed. I still am what I am, yet I feel better mentally. What happened in MD was a lot of stuff happening in real life, a lot of stress, a lot of pent up anger and frustration and I kind of just went caplooey. I still do, but I'm changing my outlook on life a little more positively so as to not face that quite as much. Things are better, they are good, and I am now learning to step back from the keyboard when the verbal diarrhea comes about. I want to be a productive member again, but I know it will likely need to take some regaining of trust and not to mention, real life pieces that still need putting back together [internet, car, job, etc] before I can promise anything, but I do what I can when I can.

Thank you for reading, and I mean this with all sincerity.


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