Jump to content

An epic tale of epic proportions containing epic nonsense


Recommended Posts

Okay I've been working on something for quite some time now and I just thought i'd share it.

Hope you all enjoy it.

(Sorry, it's a bit epic...It's very VERY long, so if you're short on attention go and do something else)

Also please note that NONE of this actually happened in game so don't sue me as it's all meant in good humour.
On another note if George Lucas reads this...I didn't do it...It was Zleip!


[center]Shoepasfilm in collaboration with Murniversal pictures presents:
Gar Wars Episode one: The Phantom Marind.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away… Well, last Tuesday in Marinds bell… Around breakfast time…
Turmoil has engulfed the galactic feder… I mean…The Magic duel lands; the taxation on sacrificing creatures is in dispute.

Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly shades, the greedy Necrovians have stopped all sacrificing in the land of Marind Bell.

While the congress of the other lands endlessly debating this alarming series of events, the Supreme Chancellor (Or Mur, as most of us know him) has secretly dispatched two players, Guardians of Bob and the hope of the MD lands, to solve the conflict…

Meanwhile in other parts of MD, A shadow moves through the archives towards marind’s room, the figure turns the handle and steps through the door, the figure is Renavoid, head archivist, he was hoping to find the ghost of marind so he could once again act out his sordid fantasy…Alas for Ren, the only thing he found was I am Bored…Being bored.

Anyway down in necro…This was happening…[/center]

A pair of cautious players make their way through one of the necrovion strongholds to meet with the necrovians, one of them stops sensing that something is wrong; he insists that his adept also stops. “Wait, I sense there is something wrong here”, he says, “There is a disturbance in the farce, I sense this is a trap. Ready yourself young one, I fear we may have been deceived”, At these words the young BID-I knight swiftly draws her heatsaber as a bullet of pure energy comes flying down the corridor at her, he deflects the bullet with her lightning reflexes, the bullet is sent hurtling back down the corridor at the Perrobot guard that shot it, a loud ‘bzzzzt’ is heard shortly before a satisfying BANG CRUNCH, the perrobot falls to the ground. The young adept picks up a little “That was easy, I don’t know what you were worried about, there was only one guard”. It was at this very moment that the master tapped his adept on the shoulder, the adept looks round and in an instant, performs a double take of almost comedic proportions and thanks her lucky stars that her robes are naturally brown anyway, she shifts uncomfortably and thinks to herself “I’ll have to get those dry cleaned now, dammit”, the reason for this sudden faecal evacuation was the sight of a hundred more Perrobots stood facing the two BID-I knights, soon after the adept’s rectal embarrassment the perrobots open fire, a swarm of bullets heads directly towards the two knights, a raging battle ensues, perrobots firing in all directions, the BID-I knights leaping about acrobatically deflecting bullets and swinging wildly through the barrage of perrobots. As the final perrobot falls, the adept lands gracefully from a vault, the two knights retract the blades on their heatsabers and a panel of five people hold up some cards with numbers on them, ‘5.5, 7.0, 8.0, 8.5, 6.5’, a voice is heard from nowhere “And that’s good scoring from the judges but the low score from the Jamaican judge still leaves the BID-I’s two whole points behind the Russian team, they will be disappointed”.

In another part of necrovion, two ambassadors of the Necrovion alliance are having a meeting with their leader, a mysterious black hooded figure. The necrovians are not happy that the players have been brought in and that they are refusing to be dragged in to the game that the figure has lined up…

The two players leave necrovion with orders to come to the land of Loroo, to get there they stow away on one of the necrovion landing crafts. Meanwhile, negotiations had broken down at the Loroo palace where queen Ailithdala is in talks with one of the other senators, “Senator Zleipatine, I will not condone any action that leads us to war” she remarks. The communication begins to break down, which can only mean one thing, the necrovion forces that are heading towards Loroo are part of an invasion.

Back on Loroo, a strange figure wanders the land, he is a tall gangly figure with long reddish brown ears that hang down to his shoulders, he walks with an odd hunch and looks a rather clumsy creature. He hears a loud low rumbling off in the distance but due to his nature he thinks nothing of it, this soon changes when he discovers himself to be much more horizontal than he is used to. The reason for this rapid change in orientation would be because from behind him a large Necrovion craft is soon about to make sharp painful contact with his face, this being the case and with the reactions of the creature being a lot slower than the speed of the craft, you can imagine his relief when he was heftily tackled to the ground by one of the BID-I knights.

*Side note: The author wishes it to be known that the next section of the story is written in a dialect that may be unfamiliar to some of the readers, this is because of the place where the odd creature grew up, a strange mystical place called Yorkshire, Yorkshire is not just a place, it is a state of mind, but I digress, the point is that some of the next part may be a little hard to understand, there will be a translation for those who do not speak Yorkshinese. Thank you.
-The Author-*

The creature picks himself up off the floor and begins to speak to the BID-I knights, “ Ayup theear lad, thaeur just saved uz life” (Hello there lad, you’ve just saved my life), “ ‘a can ah repay theur?” (How can I repay you?). The BID-I knights look at each other perplexed for a moment then a spark of realisation sweeps across the face of the male BID-I as he recognises the strange speech pattern that the creature uses, “think nothing of it, you don’t need to do anything for us” said the BID-I, half with sincerity and half because the annoying creature would surely only hamper the mission more. “Neya i've getten ta 'elp theur um way, a' least tell uz whoa theur are” (No, I’ve got to help you some way, at least tell me who you are), “Well I am Ale ron Jinn, and this is my adept, Yami No Kenobi” explains the BID-I knight, “and what do they call you friend?” (Side note: The author wishes to note that the following name like the rest of the names in this story have been changed, partially due to this being a magicduel representation of the happenings, but also for fear of George Lucas suing my donkey (ass), I’ve just put this in as to cover my donkey, so it’s all good :P)

“Thee callz us Gar gar blinks, Ah’m eur Gargan” (They call me Gar gar Blinks, I’m a Gargan)

As soon as the creature utters those words a couple of perrobots comes storming round the trees, a shot is fired and the BID-I’s reactions kick in and in an instant Gar gar is forced into the horizontal position once again, the bullet has been reflected by the BID-I’s heatsaber and the perrobots, destroyed. Gar gar picks himself up from the ground for a second time and by now feels that it is necessary for him to repay the debt. “We’d better get out of here before any more of those damn perro’s turn up” explains Ale-ron, as the pair of BID-I’s turn to run off, Gar gar shouts after them “Eh? Mooar? Did theur seh mooar?” (What? More? Did you say more?), in a panicked voice he continues, forever looking back over his shoulder for fear of rogue perrobots “well t’safest place ta nip ‘ood be t’underground Gargan city” (well the safest place to go would be the underground Gargan city)
“Okay, so where is it?” Asked Ale-ron, “On secon’ thoughts, ah can’t tek theur theear, it wor eur gormless ideeur” (On second thoughts I can’t take you there, it was a stupid idea) said the strange flop eared creature. By this point the younger of the two BID-I knights is getting increasingly impatient with the native Gargan, “So why would that be then Gar gar?” asks an exasperated Yami no, “Orl roeight orl roeight, well ah can't nip on back 'cos it's embarrassin, see, ah wor banished. if ah nip on back t' gaffa will doa 'orrible things ta uz” (Okay okay well I can’t go back because it’s embarrassing, see I was banished. If I go back the boss will do horrible things to me), Ale-ron, the calmer of the two BID-I knights who is usually quite sedate is also starting to get irate and begins to threaten the nervous Gargan, “You hear that?”, “Aye” (yes) Gar gar replies, “Well that” the BID-I continues “is the sound of one thousand terrible things all coming to take our heads”, Yami no Kenobi takes over the tag team threat, “and if they find us they will blast us into oblivion and do unspeakable things to all of your internal organs and any other body parts that you may be fond of”, it was this last part that makes the Gargan see sense and all he can come out with is “ah, Gran’ point well made, lets nip on” (Ah good point, well made, lets go). As they begin to leave the BID-I knights and Gar gar hear a familiar sound when a box appears in front of them, Yami no opens the box and reads the message inside aloud “Insufficient action points”, this was a familiar message to all three of them, and to some extent it had become the bane of their lives.

Anyway, after the regeneration counter had ticked down to zero, this happened…
The BID-I knights follow Gar gar through the forests where they come across a well that seems to lead to some sort of underground civilization, they near the city and are treated to the sight of an underground paradise, as they enter, the idyllic image is soon shattered as they are apprehended by one of the guards who is not happy about Gar gar’s return to the Gargan city. The odd trio are led away to the mighty Gargan leader, Boss Cless.

Boss Cless is a proud being, a fighter of notable worth although his appearance would lead you to believe otherwise. He is a short, stout creature who obviously enjoys his food on account of him being so large in stature, he sits atop a regal looking throne aside a council of elders who advise and aid him with his decisions. The two BID-I’s approach him and try to reason with him, explaining about the approaching perrobot army, “They are advancing and are going to wipe out the lorootians”, explains Ale-ron. “Dis is neya concern o' ours, we dooant li' t' lorootians” (This is no concern of ours, we don’t like the lorootians) replied the chief of the Gargans, (yes it seems that the Yorkshire accent is actually a racial trait of the Gargans and is not restricted to Gar gar alone). The BID-I senses that the Gargan chief is reluctant to help them and tries to negotiate with him, “ If they manage to take hold of the surface of Loroo, they will no doubt attack here next”, “Ah dunt fink sa, thee doun't kna li' abaht wee daahn 'eear” (I don’t think so, they don’t know about us down here) exclaims an increasingly furious Boss Cless.
Realising he they aren’t going to get anywhere by straight forward negotiation and reason, Ale-Ron Jinn decides that to get better results that he should use his BID-I Mind trick, he waves his hand in front of the Gargan and quietly says “We could use transport”, Boss Cless repeats “Theur could use transpoarts, T' fastest way ta loroo is thru t' undergroun' tunnels, Ahl provide theur wi' eur drachorn” (You could use transport, the fastest way to Loroo is through the underground tunnels, I’ll provide you with a drachorn).
As the two BID-I knights turn to leave, gar gar whispers to them “It's eur trap, they're settin theur up. t' undergroun' tunnels are suicide” (It’s a trap, they’re setting you up. The underground tunnels are suicide). Yami-no Kenobi turns back to Boss cless saying “What about Gar gar, we saved his life, he owes what you call…A life debt and we need a navigator”, the Gargan chief thinks for a moment and agrees to allow Gar gar Blinks to live and go with them.” The BID-I knights and their new travelling companion set out to the regal palace of Loroo. After a turbulent underground flight, the BID-I knights land their craft outside the palace walls on Loroo’s surface.

Meanwhile, Queen Ailithdala has been found and captured by the necrovion viceroys, while the viceroys discuss how they are going to explain the attack to the MD lands council, she refuses to partake in any co-operation with the necrovians. The viceroy tells the perrobot commander “Take them to camp four”, the queen, her handmaidens and advisors are led away. It seems as though the entire Loroo capital is under Necrovian control.
Three figures skulk along a balcony high above the queen’s captors, the shadowy characters make their way to a bridge that crosses the queen’s path. As the perrobot guards get closer to the bridge the three figures drop down and reveal themselves in a rain of bullets and heatsabers, It’s Yami-no, Ale-Ron and Gar gar. The two BID-I’s deflect a hail of bullets and swiftly dispatch of the perrobot guards.
After explaining how the negotiations never actually happened, Ale-Ron and Yami-no lead the queen and her entourage into one of the Necrovian’s hangars. “Communication must be made with the council, it might be wise if you come with us to Golescant, given the circumstances” explains Ale-Ron, the queen decides on her best course of action “My place is here amongst my people”.
Ale-Ron hopes to make her see sense, “your highness if you stay they will kill you, you need to come and help Senator Zleipatine”, “Then I will go and plead our case to the senate, I will go with you” replies the queen.

After a short exchange with one of the perrobot squads the BID-I knights, the queen, Gar gar blinks, the queens handmaidens and her advisors are one their way to golescant. Soon however they come up against the Necrovian’s blockade, set up to halt the trade routes. As Necrovian bullets pepper the outside of the craft, the RJ units are released to repair the ship’s hull. As two of the RJ units, the third soldiers on trying to repair the rips in the ship. The little unit manages to fix the hole and RJD2 returns to his position safely inside the ship. Although the shields were repaired there is irreparable damage to the fuel line and the ship is forced to land in the nearby land of Archooine. The only difference between Archooine and any other nearby planet is that it is not controlled by the necrovians, it is controlled by the notorious Hun family. However the motley crew is less likely to be caught here since the Huns are not looking for them.

Meanwhile, on the necrovion ships, the the viceroys deliver the bad news about Queen Ailithdala to their master, Emperor Zleipatine. “A loroo ship managed to get by us, I’m afraid that the queen has disappeared” says a nervous viceroy. “that treaty needs to be signed, I will send my apprentice, Darth Mur” replies a strangely calm Zleipatine. The transmission ends, the viceroys look at each other, “This is getting out of hand…now there are two of them” exclaims one of the viceroys. From the break in his voice it seems as though the viceroys are starting to regret the deal they made with the emperor.

The small unit RJD2 is to be cleaned up and commended for saving the BID-I’s lives, Padme Lightmoon, the queen’s assistant is charged with the task. As she is doing so, Gar gar decides to introduce himself, “Ayup, ooa eur theur?” (hello, who are you?) Announces Gar gar, “Ah’m Gar gar Blinks” (I’m Gar gar Blinks), “You’re a Gargan aren’t you? How did you wind up with us?”
“Ah doun't kna li', uz day started pretty orl roeight, then PA ah getten reeight scared, then 'n ah wor gerrin tackled by t' BID-I's then BOA ah'm 'eear!” (I don't know, my day started pretty okay, then POW I got very scared, then and I was getting tackled by the BID-I's then BOOM I'm here!) Explains Gar gar.

The Craft speeds towards Archooine and lands on the outskirts of a large town. The BID-I’s examine the damage done to their ship by the Necrovians and they need to get some new parts for their craft. Half of the landing party stay with the craft in order that it doesn’t get stolen, and Ale-ron, Gar gar, Padme lightmoon and RJD2 set off in search of new parts. They decide to try a small backstreet dealer, as they would more likely have the necessary parts. They happen upon a shady place behind the main shopping district, an odd gruff sounding winged creature flaps over to them. The creature stops from his work, he puts down his welding torch and moves away from a relieved looking Drachorn tied to a workbench in the back. He flaps over to the party and removes his welding mask, he mutters something in a strange language and then shouts something equally incomprehensible, a small runs out from behind the shop and shouts back at the creature “El distracto consumptomatico billioso pancreatico Braitto, qua de omletto de jambon pacifico” says the boy, clearly frustrated with Braitto, his employer. “This RJ unit has the prints of what we need” Explains Ale-ron, “Bleep-bloop, hell yeah I do!” Exclaims RJ “…I mean… err… Bloop bleep bloop bleepy bleep”, Ale-ron gives the unit a sly kick and whispers to him “Don’t break character dude, remember fourth wall! Fourth Wall!!! Ahem, care to show us where we can find one”. Braitto leads Ale-ron and RJD2 out the back, leaving the young boy with Padme lightmoon and Gar gar.

“Who are you anyway?” Questions the small boy. “Well I am Padme Lightmoon, over there is Gar gar Blinks”, at these words Gar gar spins around, knocking over one of the display pieces behind him. The display piece falls off much to everyone’s horror, but rather than smashing into bits, it gets up and begins running around causing chaos for Gar gar. He finally catches it and holds it up by its arms, the small beast proceeds to swiftly kick him in the crotch as the young boy shouts over “Just hit him on the nose” Gar gar does so and the creature retracts back into it’s shell. The boy turns back to Lightmoon and explains “My name’s Alchekin, Alchekin Skywalker, I’m a pilot in the mattraces”.

“Well, it’d be cheaper most likely to buy a new craft” Explains Braitto outside, “especially since I’m the only one who has what you need around here. Anyway how are you paying for it?”
“I have 20,000 Value points” Replies Ale-ron.
At these words a large box flies through the air nearly taking Braitto’s head off, it screeches to a halt in front of Ale-ron and hovers before him. Some words appear in the box, it simply says “No credit”, this confuses Ale-ron. Braitton explains “That means you can’t afford it”.
Ale-ron waves his hand in front of the box and utters the words “Yes, we can afford it”. The words in the box change, “No, you can’t”. Ale-ron, stumped by the box’s refusal to co-operate tries again “Yes, we can”, the box stays at “No you can’t”. He tries a third time, this time the box changes and says “What are you doing Michael?” this confuses everyone, but then the box shakes the strange knight rider references out of it’s system and shows a new message “Your BID-I mind games won’t work on me…I’m a box for god sakes!”
“Ah well, worth a try” quips Ale-ron. The box zooms off with the knight rider music playing in the background.
“It’s a simple concept BID-I, no money, no parts” exclaims a triumphant Braitto.

The BID-I walks back through the shop and grabs Gar gar on the way, “Come on Padme, we’re leaving” says Ale-ron, as he turns to leave Alchekin stops them and explains “You’ll never get back to your ship in time, there’s a sand storm coming. Come with me and stay at mine for a while”, the BID-I reluctantly agrees and they all trudge off through the port of Mos Eigger. On the way Gar gar finds himself feeling a little puckish and decides to take a bite out of a chicken hung up on one of the stalls. This enrages the owner who screams obscenity at Gar gar, this causes the gargan to let go of the chicken which shoots across the stall and lands in the dinner of a mean looking elephant wearing a crown. He leaps his table and flattens Gar gar and threatens him in a language that the Gargan cannot understand but can tell by the sinister tone that he means business. Alchekin hurries over and taunts the elephant into laying off gar gar. The Elephant spits at the Gargan and returns to his table.

After picking himself up off the ground Gar gar asks Alchekin “Whoa wor 'a'?” (Who was that?)
Alchekin replies “That was the meanest mattress racer on the whole of Mos Eigger, his name is Kingbullba”.

The sandstorm continues to get worse as the party finally make it to Alchekin’s house, the young boy immediately takes off dragging Lightmoon by the hand and with RJD2 pootling behind. Meanwhile Ale-ron thanks Alchekin’s mother for allowing them to stay during the sandstorm. In the back of the house, Alchekin uncovers his latest creation and it springs into life, “what’s this Alchy?” Asks Padme puzzled by the thing in front of her. “This is my robot, I built him myself. I call him MRD3PO” Says Alchekin proudly. The boy switches on the robot and it immediately springs to life…

At this point the author wishes to note that the character MRD3PO also has a strange speech dialect, except this time instead of being Yorkshire, he speaks in Jive talk. The reasons for this will not be made clear as the author does not feel the need to explain himself. The best explanation that will be offered is that he speaks in Jive talk because the parts available are limited, I mean, seriously, it’s a damn desert planet, what can you expect? He’s just a kid as well, the fact that he managed to build a robot of such a standard whilst having such limited parts is a wonder in itself. Don’t put the kid down! How dare you, have you ever built a fully functioning jive talking robot? Didn’t think so! So get over it you evil child hater!!!!!

You people make me so Angry >.<
(The author at this point wishes to note that this is somewhat of a mental breakdown, and as such he will be wheeled away to a padded cell and as such the story will continue but under the pen of a different author).

ANYWAY, the robot springs to life and immediately says “Hello? Hello? Where be everyone? ah' can't see some din' ” (Hello? Hello? Where is everyone? I can’t see a thing)
Alchekin picks up a lone eye from the table, he pops it in place in MRD3PO’s socket, and the robot perks up, “Woah. Right On! What de hell? dis floo''s all wobbly, eida' dat o' ya''ve not built me right kid. What it is, Mama!” (Woah! What the hell? This floor’s all wobbly, either that or you’ve not built me properly kid) The robot promptly falls down and deactivates. “He needs a little more work” explains the boy sheepishly.

Meanwhile aboard the queen’s vessel, a message comes through from the senate. But before the queen has chance to reply, Yami-No Kenobi interrupts, “It’s a trick, don’t reply, don’t send any messages to them”. She then leaves and contacts Ale-ron to explain the situation to him.

On Golscant, Emperor Zleipatine and Darth Mur are making plans to infiltrate the BID-I’s at Mos eigger. They are sure of their victory against the BID-I’s.
The Sandstorm down in the port has subsided and over dinner Ale-ron discusses with Alchekin and his mother a way to get the parts they need without having any money. “Betting! Everything around here relies on betting” Exclaims Aclhekin, “Perhaps you could enter the mattress I’ve built in tomorrow’s mattrace” he continues. “Alchekin, you know I don’t like you racing those mattresses” explains his concerned mother. “Yes but they don’t have any other choice” protests the boy. “I’m afraid it seems Alchekin’s right” says Ale-ron. “Then it’s settled, I’ll race for you tomorrow” beams alchekin, “Are you sure that braitto will let you race alche?” Asks his mother. The boy, who seems to have an answer for everything, replies “Braitto doesn’t know that I’ve made the mattress”.

Later that day we find Alchekin fixing up his mattress, aided by RJD2, MRD3PO, Gar gar and Lightmoon. Alchekin explains to Gar gar about the small energy nodes on the front of the mattress that make it float, “Keep away form those energy nodes, you’ll go numb for hours if you touch one”, the moment he utters those words, the gargan gets his tongue caught in the node and becomes even more incoherent than usual. “Flberr...'Blellloa? 'Flelp! bluz blongue's on flbumb”, (Hello? Help! My tongue’s gone numb!) the creature stumbles about and gets his hand caught in one of the engines. “blumm…blelloa….bflerr…flelp! FLELBLEBLP…..Schbluck! Bli’m schbluck!” (umm…Hello…errr…help! HELP…Stuck! I’m STUCK!), thankfully just before Alchekin starts the engines, Padme lightmoon manages to free his arm and they both retreat to a safe distance. With a loud whirring noise the Mattresses engines start (Yes I know, a mattress with engines…Get over it), and a proud alchekin exclaims “It’s working, IT’S WORKING!!!”

A craft lands on the surface of the world by night. It is a shady craft and it lands almost silently. The hooded, sinister figure of Darth Mur exits the craft and sends three scouts to a nearby settlement to scan for the BID-I’s…

The next day, preparations are being made for the great mattrace, in the Hangar, people of all races are preparing their mattresses, Braitto and Ale-ron are talking about the race and Braitto is convinced that the BID-I’s ship will be his. Ale-ron asks “Why do you think that then Braitto?”
“because of Kingbullba” replies the blue beast “He always wins, I’m betting everything on him”. “I’ll take that bet” says the BID-I confidently “If We win, We get the boy and his mother as well as the parts, then you keep the winnings, if not then you keep all the winnings and our ship and the mattress” boasts the confident BID-I. “You’re on, but only one of the slaves may go free” replies Braitto. He rolls a chance cube to see which one, Ale-ron waves his hand over the cube and it lands on blue which means that the boy goes free if they win.

The race is about to begin so Alchekin pushes his mattress out to the start line. The announcer begins by introducing the contestants to the huge crowd sprawled around the arena, as they get down the line of competitors, the loudest cheer is undoubtedly for Kingbullba, but Alchekin cannot help but laugh at the sight of an oversized bull elephant in driving goggles squeezed into a tiny mattresss. This outrages Kingbullba and the taunts fly back and forth until the race begins. At one point Kingbullba unbeknownst to Alchekin, goes around the back of Alche’s mattress and sabotages one of alche’s engines.

The announcers hand over to the overseer of the race Jabba the (xin) hun. He mumbles something in Hun and the race begins for everyone except Alchekin. As everybody elses mattresses shoot past him, Alchekin has no choice but to remain static, however after making a few adjustments he is up and ready to go, he speeds off after the other racers but he has a lot of ground to catch up on. Meanwhile at the front of the pack, the race hardened Kingbullba is taking out mattresses left right and centre. Further on in the course one of the racers is taken out by some nearby Tarquin raiders, Kingbullba and Alchekin continue beyond them avoiding the hail of bullets.
After two laps of Crashes, smashes, near misses, explosions and all out destruction, only two racers remain, Kingbullba and Alchekin. Good distance has been made up by the young child, but he’s still not managed to overtake the elephant who has held the lead throughout. On top of this Kingbullba as you’ve seen is not above using underhanded tactics, he forces Alchekin onto the service ramp half way around the course which launches him into the air, unluckily for Kingbullba it launches Alchekin over his head and when the boy comes down he finds himself in the lead. The impact dislodges one of the plugs in the electrics of Alche’s mattress and he finds himself rapidly losing power. He frantically manages to restore power to both his engines and he is able to continue. He catches up to Kingbullba again, as the two racers exit a narrow ravine and the young boy draws level with the bull elephant. Kingbullba tries to violently shunt Alchekin off the track, however his attempts are fruitless. The crowd watches on in anticipation as the tussle continues. The two mattresses are locked in a heated battle until Alchekin seizes his opportunity, he hits the thrust on his mattress on the last corner causing kingbullba go into a spin and crash into some nearby rocks. Alchekin, finishes the race in style and as the lone finisher is also the outright winner. The crowd goes wild as the local boy is lifted out of his mattress by Ale-ron and a thousand or more supporters crowd round him.
The boy has earned his freedom and Braitto has no choice but to hand over the parts they need. Alchekin bids his farewells to his mother and friends, although he is hesitant to leave the young boy finally tears himself away from his mother and sets off to start a new life with the BID-I knights.

Meanwhile away from town, the scout returns to the hooded figure of Darth Mur, it reports on the location of the Queen and her entourage, so he sets off in his personal transport speeding across the desert wastes. He advances upon a fleeing alchekin and Ale-ron “GET DOWN” Shouts the panicked BID-I, the boy quickly lies prone as the evil Mur speeds overhead, Ale-ron swiftly produces his heatsaber and takes down the menacing Mur, but the cat like reactions of Darth Mur enable him to land on his feet without so much as a scratch on him, he produces a heatsaber of his own, a raging battle ensues, Ale-ron shouts to Aclhekin “Tell them to take off”, the frightened child runs off to the ship in order to deliver the message. The battle between Ale-ron and Darth Mur continues, a few feet away the BID-I’s craft takes off and kicks up a cloud of dust, Ale-ron takes this opportunity to leap aboard the craft as it speeds away leaving Mur dazed and confused as to what just took place. The dark lord looks on in anger as the ship makes its escape.

The BID-I Craft finally approaches Golescant, a technological metropolis. As the craft comes in to land, they notice that Senator Zleipatine awaits their arrival and immediately the Queen is led away on official business. Up in the senator’s room, Zleipatine explains to Ailithdala that the chancellor has actually very little power in the senate and that it is the beaurocrats are truly in charge. He explains “We need to push for a stronger chancellor, one who can stand up to them. You could always call for a vote of no confidence, your highness”, The queen is not happy about this idea and tries to find an alternative, she realizes that the only other realistic choice is to accept Necrovion control temporarily. Ailithdala has a tough choice ahead of her.

Across the city at the BID-I council, Ale-ron and Yami-no discuss the attack by Darth Mur with two BID-I masters, Woda and Mace Windspirit. “He was highly skilled in BID-I combat, he matched me blow for blow” explains Ale-ron, “I can only assume he is a Sish lord”. “A sish lord? That’s not possible, the sish died out years ago, if they had returned we would know” Mace Windspirit replies calmly. The oldest and wisest of the BID-I council, Woda, speaks up “ Hard to see, the dark side is. Covered in grime, your monitor is. Clean it, you will. Easier to see, the dark side is. But still difficult to see, the dark side is. Dark by nature, it is and as such, dark, it be.” Confused, Ale-ron asks him “is that your real voice? What’s up with it? Why do you talk like that?” “Poor sentence structure, I have. Medical condition, it is. Lakkagrammatitis, it is called. Poke fun, you shall not.” Explains Woda, clearly struggling to remain calm. “Do not worry, we will find your attacker” finishes Mace Windspirit, trying not to laugh at Woda.
As Yami no turns to leave, Ale-ron stops him and begins to explain to the council about the boy, he enlightens the council about how he wishes to train the boy as his apprentice.
The council are not happy about the idea however Woda allows it with the condition that they meet the boy before they make a final decision.

Over at the senate, Zleipatine makes his address, He states ”These lands are in jeopardy, the necrovion taxes have forced our people under an oppressive rule”, he steps aside and allows Queen Ailithdala the floor, “We cannot allow this rule to continue, there must be a change, and that change begins here, I suggest new leadership is required and move for a vote of No confidence in the chancellor”
A chant of “Vote now” Echoes around the senate hall, chancellor has no option but to allow the vote to go ahead.

The BID-I council tests alchekin, they can clearly see that he has BID-I knight potential, but Woda feels the need to ask him more questions, “Afraid, are you?” the wise master asks him, “No” replies alche, “See through you we do, fear is the path to the dark side, fear leads to anger..” at this point, Mace Windspirit buts in with “odway, ixnay on the earfay, ootay uchmay and George ucasLay might uesay”, confused woda replies with “Hatway ouyay say, ingray ruetay it oesday. Utbay an azzockway, ouyay oundsay ikelay.” He continues, “a speech impediment, you say I have? Pot calling kettle black, it is like”, Windspirit begins to feel like a carer “No, that…it’s ugh…Nevermind.” He mumbles.

Whilst all this is happening Gar gar blinks can be found talking with the queen about how gargans would never go down without a fight, this strikes a chord with Ailithdala but before she has chance to react, her thoughts are interrupted by the entrance of Senator zleipatine, he bears what he considers to be good news. “I have been chosen as the new chancellor of the senate, I will put an end to the suffering.” “It will take too long chancellor, by the time you are in control fully, all will be lost. I must return to Loroo, I will be consigned to the same fate as my people.” Announces the Queen. “But your majesty, they will force you to sign the treaty” pleads Zleipatine, “My mind is made up Senator, I will leave for Loroo” Firmly states Ailithdala.

The BID-I council, meanwhile, are making their decision on whether ale-ron will be allowed to teach alchekin or not. The council elders survey the boy from all possible angles and finally Mace Windspirit speaks up, “The boy…he will… not be trained Ale-ron, he is to old.” Disheartened, Ale-ron tries to convince them “But surely you know he is the chosen one, can’t you feel it?” Woda speaks up “Uncertain, this boy’s future is. But with guidance, perhaps, great, he could become.”
“In that case I will train him” replies Ale-ron. “NO!” Exclaims an irate Mace Windspirit “You already have an adept in Yami no.” Ale-ron explains “Yami is ready enough, there is little more I can teach her, I will train the boy.”
After reluctantly agreeing to let Ale-ron teach the boy, the council explains to the BID-I’s that they should accompany the queen to Loroo as she returns home.

Down on Loroo, the viceroys meet once again with their master, the evil senator Zleipatine, they explain that they now have complete control of the area. “Good, I will make sure things go as planned with the senate, I will send down my apprentice Darth Mur, to join you”…

The BID-I ship lands back in a part of Loroo and Gar gar sets off to the Gargan city in order to try and persuade Boss Cless to send his armies to help the queen’s cause. He returns with news “T' gargan city is deserted, ther's nobody theear” (the Gargan city is deserted, there’s nobody there) explains the exhausted Gargan, he continues “Ah dooant think thee wor wiped art, when gargans are threytened thee nip on teur t' sacred place, cum on ahl sha theur wheear it is.” (I don't think they were wiped out, when Gargans are threatened they go to the sacred place, come on I'll show you where it is.)
The BID-I’s set off with Gar gar towards the Gargan sanctuary.

Upon reaching the Gargan sanctuary, the queen’s party petitions Boss cless for his co-operation. But before the queen has a chance to speak, her handmaiden steps out to the front, the Gargan boss screams with rage at the audacity of the servant “Ooa eur theur?” (who are you?) “I am Queen Ailithdala, leader of the lorootians.” A wave of shock sweeps across all present, a silence falls on the party as Ailithdala…the new ailithdala… explains “This is a decoy, my handmaiden, Padme lightmoon” She indicates to Padme, dressed as the queen. Ailithdala continues explaining “Although we haven’t always agreed, we have always lived in peace. The necrovians threaten that peace now and I ask…no…I beg you for your help.” Boss cless ponders the offer placed in front of him for a while, but eventually comes to the decision that the Gargan armies will help in the fight against the Necrovion armies.

The newly formed alliance meets just outside of No man’s land, where Boss Cless has some news for Gar gar, “Thars done eur girt service, theur browt t' gargans 'n t' lorooa togetha 'n 'cos o' 'a' ah'm promotin theur ta general.” (You've done a great service, you brought the Gargans and the Loroo together and because of that I am promoting you to general), the shock of this news causes Gar gar to pass out on the floor.
As the Gargan hits the floor, the queen explains the plan to her troops, “The battle is a diversion, the Gargans will draw out the perrobot troops while we storm the palace and capture the viceroys, without them, they will be lost, as a third arm to our assault, we will send our best pilots to take out the perrobot control ships, this will immobilize much of their army. We cannot fail to get the viceroy, the plan hinges on this.”

The viceroys inside the palace explain to the chancellor that they are preparing to send all their troops to fight the queen’s army. The message that comes in reply is…”Destroy them…ALL of them.” The viceroys and Zleipatine, put their plan into action.

The Gargan army trudges across the deserted no man’s land and they take up their positions on the battlefield ready to take on the perrobot army of necrovion, thousands upon thousands of gargan troops line up along the warzone, they prepare for war and put up their shields, a mystical blue glow surrounds the army shielding them from incoming attacks. Then a long low rumbling sound comes from atop a nearby hill, numerous perrobot carriers come thundering through no mans land. The ships open fire on the Gargan forces but the natives shield holds firm.

Meanwhile, the BID-I’s are launching their assault on the palace of Loroo, Padme gives the signal and the queen opens fire on a set of perrobots, allowing the BID-I’s to sneak inside with Padme lightmoon. Once inside, the parties regroup and take on another group of perrobot guards. Alchekin is sent to find cover, the pilots make for a collection of ships nearby in order to prepare for a fight against perrobot control, unfortunately the only place Alche could find to hide was in the cockpit of one of the ships, he promptly sets off after the other pilots while the battle rages all around him.

The Gargans are holding off the necrovion armies on the surface of Loroo, the gargans held fast in their position, waiting for the necrovions to come to them, they fire some warning shots from their catapult as the first perrobots are deployed. The perrobots advance upon the Gargan shield, which, although could stop bullets, was not so great at stopping things from walking through it. The Gargan army ready their individual shields and prepare for a heated melee, the catapults fire into the perrobot onslaught and take out a few at once but it isn’t enough as more necrovion soldiers march on.
The BID-I’sMove away from the previously ship filled hangar, but as they head towards the throne room they are headed off by the dark formidable figure of Darth Mur, quickly the queen and her soldiers take off the long way round, leaving the BID-I’s to fight the lone sish lord. A raging heatsaber battle ensues with the two BID-I’s both fighting with all their strength ...Vital energy….I mean…Vital energy…*ahem* anyway, the battle continues ferociously while the queen is left to deal with a patrol of perrobots. After they dispatch with the perrobots, they continue onwards to the throne room.
The heatsaber battle between the BID-I’s and Darth Mur rages on, Yami no and Ale-ron expertly dodging the Sish lord’s assault, Darth mur matching the BID-I’s blow for blow until Darth mur manages to catch Ale-ron off guard...

The queen and her soldiers take a shortcut by climbing up the outside of the palace, they would never have been able to fend off a continuous army of perrobots. They make their way through the upper corridors of the palace, but unfortunately they are surrounded by a horde of Perrobots.

Down at the Loroo battlefield, the Gargan shield has been destroyed and so they make a tactical withdrawal but as Gar gar makes his way away from the perrobot armies, he leaps on board a cartload of bombs, as he makes his jump h manages to grab a hold on to the rear part of it which is not quite as stable as he expected it to be. The cart bursts open and a pile of bombs goes bouncing down the battlefield. Gar gar makes a few swift dodges and watches in horror as a good wedge of the Gargan arsenal bounces off down the battlefield, he has no option but to chase after it. He heads off back towards the perrobot, hurtling after the bouncing bombs, and dodging enemy fire with surprising speed. He gets swept up by another gargan on horseback, this situation doesn’t last for long as the two riders are unseated by a loud explosion that throws Gar gar into the air and he lands on the cannons of one of the gunships. As a perrobot comes out to see the gargan mounted on his gun, Gar gar throws a small bomb at the perrobot which electrocutes the driver. The gunship crashes and Gar gar is thrown to the floor and he is surrounded by perrobot troops.

Meanwhile up in the skies, another vicious battle rages, Alchekin swoops through the skies, looking for a way to destroy the control ship, evading enemy fire with expert precision, but even the lightning fast reactions of Alche cannot stop him form being hit eventually, he manages to sterr his destroyed ship into the hangar of the control ship. He skids to a halt inside the hangar, and he is surrounded by a horde of Perrobot soldiers.

Yami no has no choice but to stand and watch as her former masters life is drained from him. An overwhelming wave of anger washes over him as he catches up to Darth Mur, he begins swinging wildly at the sish lord…

Meanwhile back at the palace, the queen’s party are taken to the viceroy, however from outside the throne room Padme and her group of soldiers come onto the scene, Padme lightmoon calls out to the viceroys, and with her being dressed up as the queen, the viceroys send their troops after padme thinking that Ailithdala is a decoy. This allows queen Ailithdala to hold the viceroys hostage, they immediately bolt the doors and start to discuss a new treaty.

Yami no manages to force the sish Lord on the back foot and after a long, intense battle she finally manages to force Darth Mur into submission. With one final slice of her heatsaber, she tears the sish lord asunder. Things are beginning to look up for the BID-I knights and also for young Alchekin.

Alche manages to tinker about with some of the controls inside the craft and, with the help of RJD2 he manages to get the weapons functioning but they fire off randomly, he manages a few lucky hits on the enemy but most of his shots go astray, but they start to pierce the mechanical equipment within the ship, one of the viceroys in the control room notices the problems “Oh no! the server has gone down! We’re getting syntax errors all over. I think we’ve been dst’d!”
The young boy has tinkered some more with his engine and has finally managed to restore power, he flees from the base as it explodes, painting the sky in a dusky orange hue, before it returns to its original colour.

This creates a chain reaction and all the perrobots on the surface of Loroo suddenly deactivate. The remaining Gargans have been saved by a small boy in a cockpit in the air…yeah I know…Far fetched, but you’ve stuck with it so far…so…you know…just let this one go okay.
All the parties reconvene at the palace of Loroo, the viceroys are led away and the chancellor comes to congratulate queen Ailithdala and Yami no Kenobi for their services. There is to be a ceremony in order to congratulate the BID-I for his work.
But Before Yami no can go to the ceremony she is summoned to the BID-I council as Woda has an accolade to bestow upon young Yami no. Woda performs the ceremony that now means Yami no Kenobi will now be a fully fledged BID-I knight.

Two days later, a jubilant celebration is held, a celebration in triumph over the evil necrovians, a huge party to commend the bravery and valor of the heroes. The people of Loroo sing and dance in euphoric celebration. Yami no Kenboi, Gar gar Blinks, RJD2, Alchekin Skywalker and Queen Ailithdala are recognised as champions of the realm, peace has been restored to the land of Loroo…For now…

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Yes I am going to (hopefully) write all six...

It'll hurt my brain so it means a lot to me that people actually read it and take pleasure from reading it.


Why do you wanna beat me with a rolled up newbie?


I didn't think of 'attack of the alts' i've already got the title of the second one but it's not that :P


Glad you like it :rolleyes:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Forum Statistics

    Total Topics
    Total Posts
  • Recently Browsing

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Upcoming Events

    No upcoming events found
  • Recent Event Reviews

  • Create New...