Grido Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 The Health and Safety Executive sends warm greetings to everyone and would like to take this opportunity to issue a few seasonal reminders for your own comfort, convenience and well-being. We are legally obligated to make you aware of the following. Jingle Bells Dashing through the snow In a one-horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go, Laughing all the way. A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh can be considered safe for members of the public. We must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for any venture involving a risky activity like dashing. Please also note that permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields, and we request that laughter be subdued and not loud enough to be a noise nuisance. We Three Kings We three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we traverse afar Field and fountain, moor and mountain Following yonder star Whereas the gift of gold is still considered acceptable, as it may be redeemed later, frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate because of the risk of oils and/or fragrances causing allergic reactions. We would not advise that any traversing royalty should rely solely on stars as navigational aids and suggest the augmented use of RAC or AA-approved satellite systems. The three kings of Orient should be given regular food and rest breaks and must wear face masks because of the likelihood of dust being kicked up by the camels’ hoofs. The Rocking Song Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; We will lend a coat of fur, We will rock you, rock you, rock you, We will rock you, rock you, rock you: Fur is no longer appropriate wear for infants, both because of the risk of allergy and for ethical reasons. Therefore artificial fur, a cellular blanket or a micro-fleece should be lent as an alternative. Please note that only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. You will be required to show a clearance certificate and provide three forms of identification before rocking can commence. Little Donkey Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load The RSPCA has issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load any donkey is permitted to carry. Included in the guidelines is how often you must feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required in a four-hour plodding period. Because of the risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks. It is politically incorrect to refer to the donkey as "little" because to comment on his height is an infringement of his equine rights. Rudolph the red nosed reindeer Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. This is seriously flawed. Under the Equal Opportunities policy, it is inappropriate to comment on the ruddiness of any part of the reindeer's anatomy, and his exclusion from the Reindeer Games would be considered discriminatory and subject to disciplinary action. While Shepherds Watched While shepherds watched Their flocks by night All seated on the ground The angel of the Lord came down And glory shone around The National Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that its members watch their flocks without appropriate seating being provided. Therefore we decree that benches, stools and/or orthopaedic chairs be made available. Because of inclement weather at this time of year it would be safer if the workers could watch their flocks via CCTV in heated shepherd observation huts. Finally, the angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his or her glory all around she or he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of Ultraviolet-A, Ultraviolet-B and Glory. Any questions? Asterdai, Tarquinus and Watcher 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grido Posted December 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13SaSh_xW2M&feature=related"]Jingle Bells[/url] [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87wGHfAi17Q"]We Three Kings[/url] [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg3GVrTmK24"]The Rocking Song - Odd Video[/url] [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRqi-t5IBDI"]Little Donkey[/url] [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLf0DDt3Xiw"]Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer[/url] [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyzl9PDAQns"]While Shepherds Watch[/url] Asterdai and Watcher 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nimrodel Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 OMG! It is totally hillarious! My stomach hurts from laughing too much.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redneck Posted December 15, 2009 Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 hehe i love christmas carols Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asterdai Posted December 15, 2009 Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 Really really funny post, just he way its all official cracks me up! love all of em You will be required to show a clearance certificate and provide three forms of identification before rocking can commence. lol!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mya Celestia Posted January 2, 2010 Report Share Posted January 2, 2010 [color="#8B0000"][font="Palatino Linotype"]This is great! My whole family was laughing. They are so government sounding and sound like something they would do, too! All you needed was the EPA complaining about all the activity adding to ozone depletion[/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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