A Tale of Two Villages

Ungod · April 22, 2018

In the spirit of celebrations, at this late hour I would like to propose a little text to sooth the heart and mind. To those who would object the following is not suitable for certain ages, I say I was subjected to religion classes when I was 10. My text does less brain damage than those; but, if you remove it, I will not argue.

The tale starts with two neighbouring villages, which lived in a relative peace. Occasional fights occured, but were easily dealt with, and the village leaders were content with their rule, and not seeking conflict. The same cannot be said about the village priests, two shriveled-up men who deeply resented eachother. One worshipped an obscure star, the other, another obscure star, part of the same constellation. But despite the insignificant difference, they argued each day, growing ill feelings. So when one of them bought a woman (if that is disturbing, you can substitute it with a goat - but it's common in some parts), the stage was set.

Gathering the villagers for the Sunday preach, the poorer priest told everyone they must attack their neighbours, for God wants them punished for their sacrilege. 'What was that?' asked the very surprised bunch. 'They are frolicking with animals. Usually sheep.' That was too novel to believe, so everyone asked gor a proof. The priest then called the village idiot of the other village and asked him how does he find woman. The poor idiot babbled 'beautiful' a couple of times, and that was considered irrefutable proof for interspecies breeding. 'Already they start sounding like sheep, we must do the will of God and punish all wickedness.' Now, common people may believe that, but, being common, they have their interest at heart. 'Well, I do not object to having more sheep. I liked Tom, if he becomes a ram, I will feed him plenty. I like his wife even more, and I hope she changes later, so we can...ah, nevermind'. To that, the priest warned of the dangerous disease as being highly contagious - even answering to a hello from an infected individual might make you catch it. That was a frightful thought, and everyone went home to start preparing for war.

The intervention of a concerned villager made no difference. The man showed the results of a research project conducted over a period of a year, the data clearly showing that their neighbouring villagers slept with their wives. None were reported to handle sheep other than for milking, with the insignificant exception of the village idiot, who occasionally fondled one or two. His finds were quickly dismissed, being accused of working for the enemy, conducting illecit activities without the approval of parents and church, of being a sinner and a bad candidatw for any respectable bride-to-be. Not even his collection of a few Terrabytes of typical amorous behaviour between men and women wasn't accepted as proof; it was dismissed with 'evil does not perform sinister deeds on the film of a voyeur camera'. The collection was seized, however, in the interest of svience, by an interested party.

The war was quick and bloody, and a triumphant priest seized the harem of the other, sending him in exile. Murders, rapes, burnings, all were done in the name of God, and the whole livestock, save the horses, was slaughtered. Most of the defeated villagers were torturef, the few that survived became slaves. Over time, doubts began to crawl in some people's minda. Some, overridden with guilt, killed themselves, others, became alcoholics. For a long time, hate towards others and self ruled. Only the priest was happy, and gathered a large disciples group. That, because the exiled priest's son secretly returned, and with his agents was trying to bring the downfall of his archenemy. Common people were brainwashed on both sides, and used to fight eachother, and hatred never died...

After a few centuries, a young man tried to unravel the mysteries of the unnatural hatred between two neighbouring villages. He rummaged through scrolls, talked to people, did his utmost to find what really happened. And it was such a dissapointing endibg for him to find out what really happened...Shocked and disgusted, he matured in an instant, never again enjoying the naivity of youth.

Because the answer for the god question isn't much about god. Sure, god might be up there, all powerfull, all knowing, watching us as we wake up and go to sleep, imparting his light with us, surrounded by other celestial bodies on the sky frame - the true pantheon. But down here, on the earthly plane, the answer to the god question is much more uninspiring, much more trivial, and also much more disturbing, from a certain point of view:

It's a goat.

*you can delete the text, i doubt there's a universe where anyone would publish this; but, in my defense, the bible has been reprinted for thousands of years.