Libertate

[Muratus del Mur]

An other tiny bit of my soul Enjoy
(I am sorry but i am incapable of translating this right, so if anyone can do that, please do so.)


[center]
[b][i]De s-ar opri de maine tot
Si n-ar mai fi lumina
Nici oameni pe pamant
In inima mea plina


De ar ramane totu-n loc
Nici vantul n-ar mai bate
Si sufletu-mi de foc
In mine n-ar mai arde


I-as da uitarii tot
N-as merge mai departe
Caci sa exist nu pot
De nu am libertate


Mur[/i][/b]
[/center]


As usual, i am very excited to read your comments


[color="#FF0000"]PLEASE DON"T USE GOOGLE TRANSLATOR - ITS NOT WORKING FOR THIS AT ALL! If nobody will do it I will translate it afterall, but it will sound terrible [/color]


Update:

this is what it means but it sounds crap as translation i know:

if everything would stop tomorow
and there were no more light
nor people on this earth
would be in my full heart

If everything would stay still
and the wind would not blow
and my soul of fire
would stop burning in me

I would forget everything
I wouldn't move on
Because i can not exist
If i have no freedom

Edited August 24, 2010 by Muratus del Mur
update with temporary translation

[Muratus del Mur]

alright, i wrote its meaning, read update first post.
I am sorry it sounds so bad in english, it sounds way better in romanian
Again, someone that knows ro please provide a better translation

And stop using online tools to translate poetry

[Thanatopic]

I don't know romanian, but I know poetry. If you were to let me pick your brain a while, i could write an...adaptation I suppose. It wouldn't be a translation per se, more of an interpretation. I've actually already written one if you were curious.

[Curiose]

Ooooo... Mur! You have a creative streak!
Well.. I'm sure we all knew that, but with poetry!!

I like it.

I don't think it sounds bad at all in English. But I do have to agree, reading the Romanian Version, it sounds much prettier.

[dst]

Sorry Mur...I suck at poetry..big time . Hmmm...Indy is good with poetry. Maybe she'll find the time and inspiration to translate it.

[vampir]

If payments would stop tomorrow
and there would be no more creature fights
nor tokens in the shop
they would all still reside in my heart

If i let everything be free
and give the power to the masses
my nature would accept the change
but my tainted soul would burn the freedom

If i was to move on, athough not sure where,
what i have left does not satisfy me
what will come is an adventure
however i'm uncertain i'm ready for



If the rest of you would leave tomorrow,
simply i would be no more,
will ever come The One,
and be welcomed in My little World?

[Chewett]

sadly as i learnt with many of the songs i enjoy in japanease, the rhyming does never translate.

But its a very nice poem mur.

[Totenkopf]

hmmm...I like the message, but that's not what I'd call top notch poetry, not even the original Romanian (), and neither is the below, but at least it's an attempt at translating it "poetically" to English, with the necessary "poetic license" towards the original

If everything tomorrow ends
Light would no longer shine
No humans wandering the earth
Or heavy heart of mine

If everything were to stand still
The wind would not return
And then this burning soul of mine
Would never again burn

I would cast out all from my mind
No further would press on
I could no longer exist if
My freedom would be gone

last one was kinda tricky due to rhyming/rhythm, my initial thought was something along the lines of "No further would I tread/ ... / Freedom no more I had" but that sounded a bit off

Edited August 24, 2010 by Totenkopf

[Petrus Feanor]

Greetings! I've heard you are the creator of M.D. Explendid work!
I used to play a lot of rpg books when i was a kid, and playing m.d. kinda brings it back...
Im sort of a poet, so i've created an adaptation for your poem, i´ve extended it, it turned out a bit diferent but i think i've managed to keep its original message.



"If tomorrow everything fades away,
all light stops, and there is,
no more people standing upon the rocks,
for Thy people my heart would weep, in pray...

If all would stand frozen still,
So, that not even the slightest breeze would swirl,
Maybe then Thy flaming soul,
Would cease to burn in this old fool...

All my toughts i would plunge, in the sea of oblivium,
By my will, my body would cease, my mind holding the key, without release,
As Thy knowledge is freedom, and Thy ignorance's a dark cell,
Without Thy knowledge, my existence could never dwell."

Farewell!

[Tarquinus]

Poetry is personal and difficult. The artistry of a piece is a separate consideration from its thrust, though in the best poems one informs the other.

Looking at your structure, I see the difficulty posed by the translation. With deep respect to Totenkopf and others, I think your literal translation is the best rendering of the poem.

The meaning of it is difficult for me, but that's a good sign. Keep writing, Mur.

[Indyra]

okay here is my version, feel free to correct my grammar ..i;m really bad at it.
Mur hopwe you like it but this is how i see it.

If all would stop tomorrow
And light would shine no more
No people down on earth
And in my fully heart

If all would stand still
The wind would whiff no more
And thus my fiery soul
Within would burn no more

I’d sink it in oblivion
I wouldn’t step further
I would exist no more
Without my freedom

[Muratus del Mur]

wow, thank you all for trying. I think totens is amazing but of course the other translations are interesting in their own way too. Translating poetry is the hardest task for a translator because you need to be both a sensitive person to understand it but also a poet to put it in writing..not to mention the actual translation

[baiano]

if everything that we represents are nothing tomorrow
and there were no more light in your eyes
anyone in this earth could undrstand who am I
would be brave from the bottom of my MD heart

If everything in MD would stay amazing
and if the wind would blow forever
my soul of fire would burn the anemy


I would not forget everything
I would walk on,certain AP exist for expend
Because MD is part of my vain
If MD does not exist i would only have pain in my vain,



Thx Mur

Edited August 25, 2010 by baiano

[Totenkopf]

[quote name='Muratus del Mur' timestamp='1282729487' post='67016']
wow, thank you all for trying. I think totens is amazing but of course the other translations are interesting in their own way too. Translating poetry is the hardest task for a translator because you need to be both a sensitive person to understand it but also a poet to put it in writing..not to mention the actual translation
[/quote]

thanks Mur, i think you're spot on about translating poetry requiring some poetic inclination from the translator as well - mine prolly sounds nice because i'm kinda obsessive-compulsive about rhythm - i don't have a clue about textbook constructs like iambic pentameter or whatever that's called, but any verse sounds off to my ear if it doesn't follow some structure in that regard (i think it's 8/6/8/6 syllables in this case)

anyway, for all your future poetic translation needs, feel free to drop by Totenkopf's House of Poems and Waffles (formerly Totenkopf's Shop of Authentic Yeti Leather Goods and Cheeseburgers)

Edited August 25, 2010 by Totenkopf