Adventure Log 1.1

[Ren]

Alright, I'm long overdue in here. I've been working with the AL quite a bit lately, trying to get a feel for how things flow.

But yeah, please let me know your feedback, so I can hopefully get better at this. Some of you probably notice the extreme style changes from time to time...that's because 3 different people write things into the AL, and each of us has a different tone.

As a note, I'd like to add that the "interactive style" tends to be a little more light hearted and amusing because I'm poking fun at the things people do in the game.

Please, not too harsh, I'm new to this...

P.S. mod sticky this please?

Thanks,

Renavoid the Archivist

[Paradigma]

Well, I voted for "little faster ( It will be nice, if it will be faster ), ALL Styles, (cause it's will be not that interesting if it will be only in one style, I think). And rated 5 - just 'cause you novice here. My true opinion is near 4.5.

Thanks for good work!

[Tarquinus]

Lighthearted and amusing is glorious, though I voted for something else. You might want to fix the typos in the poll ('hierarchy' has transposed characters and 'criticize' [or 'criticise' as our friends across the pond spell it] is missing a few letters). I'm a perfectionist, and perfect is a skinned knee.

Overall, very good work. As some of the players in the game who are close to me know, I do not give praise lightly or insincerely. Keeping that in mind, perhaps you will be encouraged to hear me say the Adventure Log is worlds improved by your participation and guidance.

[Sol]

Well I chose "a bit faster" and if there was a choice I would choose all styles but then I chose the phrog one.

[Calyx of Isis]

Funny how people choose only one even when more than one is permitted!

Ah! Now I understand why so much happened while my back was turned. It is definitely getting better and I'm sure the improvements will continue. Great start, Ren.

[Glaistig]

You suck at this, Ren.

Just kidding--of course. Ahm, the updates seem to come in spurts. We should get one each day! As for the writing.. I think it's fine, although there is also some room for improvement. They're not really engrossing to me, but they give me a sense of what's going on. I'd think they could be both, you know, satirical and serious at the same time? I like the report style, but even those reports can contain humor while having unbiased words. So, work on the creativity and interactivity, you lot! Also, some more proofreading. Like, does no one think about how "phrog" has been punctuated incorrectly several times in those entries? It hurts my head. >D

I've been missing a while, so what is that new alliance about Legend Telling? Is it related to the AL or is it just like those legends Yami writes and posts?

[Ren]

Glai, I'd like to point out that phrog was punctuated correctly the first time as *phrog* (though now he's .phrog.) but, as it's a story being written, those *'s and .'s mean nothing, so he gets a capital P and becomes Phrog. The same thing happened with alche and Alche. And BLACKTHORN and BlackThorn(which also resulted in a name change). Depending on the punctuation of the name, it may get changed to look better in the log.

And yes, the updates do come in spurts. I'm trying to fix that, but the reports I get that tell me what is happening are also sporadic. But, I have a whole course of actions that phrog wants to take, so until that one is complete, I CAN do those once a day. Although, the goal is actually 3-5 a day.

Thanks Tarquinus. I wrote this last night at about 4 am, and wasn't even close to thinking about how I was spelling. ;

Out of curiosity, do you guys like the phrog branch? I'm trying to make it as interesting as RJ's quest by including stupid little things to make it more personal and amusing. Is it working...at all?

[Metal Bunny]

Cooonsiiiissteeenccyyyyy.....

ahem..

Also, it would please me greatly if you'd stop letting RJ do those horrible crimes against bunnykind.. specifically metalbunnykind.. and their leader.. me..

Or you know.. You could always go to sleep at night.. always on your guard, and wondering if you'll even wake up the next morning.. >

[Ren]

lol...MB, don't worry, I plan to send you after him sometime, too.

[Glaistig]

Nooonono, I still don't get it. I wasn't referring to his .'s or *'s in the first place. Why does it have to be capitalized? It completely changes the character of the name, and thus the identity of the namebearer. Observe:

Glaistig

glaistig

If it was originally phrog, I petition it to stay so if there isn't a need to change it. It doesn't look better at all to me by capitilizing it; it hurts my head. Same with alche. Now, if they want a name change, that's something else. You can make the story reflect their wishes then.

I like phrog's branch so far, maybe slightly more than the others, though I think the impact of those little details were lost on me a bit because I wasn't paying much attention to it once I realized the "p" in "phrog" was capitalized. And I don't know if I like how those quotes are set up. But otherwise, I like it.

[Ren]

Alright, I tried to make a good blend of those things. Now what?

[Ren]

Okay, I'd like to point out that now I'm going at about 4-5 posts a day. I can't move faster than this. It won't leave room for proper development. And, I won't sit on to keep updating it all day for everyone. They tend to get updated around 11:30 am CST (GMT-6)

[filk]

I like what I've read, but I'd like to start at the beginning.

Thing is, I can't. I click the Adventure Log link and nothing happens.

Is the story archived so that new readers can start at the beginning? I really want to see how it all begins!!

[Bootes]

filk, You can Read the Whole Log, all the way up to Day one...

Click the Adventure Log link at the Top of the Screen, then Click the "View All" button.

[filk]

I have no idea how I missed that. Thanks.

I'm now gonna go run and hide until everyone forgets my stupid question.

[PenelopeLightMoon]

It would be really nice to see some of the new RPCs and buffed players introduced now. Afterall, this being festival time, isn't that news?

[Ren]

>.> I can't have so many threads running at once Pen. The story is confusing enough with 5 branches right now. The Adventure Log really isn't just a random mentioning of things..I'm actually trying to create a story from it with the things that do happen. Just making a list of people who got updated would make it kind of the same thing as the thread where Manu tells us who got what...As they become part of the story, they will get integrated, but I can't just randomly throw everyone in at once. At the end I may make a post where the Festival comes to an end and many people gained wonderful things, view list >here< but not yet.

[maggot]

The army is looking good now. After Wodin was brought back, another treaty was signed with the LoreRoot army, and training picked up as usual. Wodin is now completely prepared for whatever may come. And come it shall.

Make it clear in whose perspective this is written. Who feels the army is "looking good"? It's stated like a fact, which conflicts with the annoyingly informal language. You should also give attribution to dialogue when it's not obvious. That was neglected in other updates. Then there's the "And come it shall." That's not suspenseful foreshadowing with weighty words. Cheesy, especially because it's inevitable that whatever may come has to come, or else the flow of future to present grinds to a halt so that nothing comes. I felt similar incredulity reading other updates.

The story itself is bland. Golemus vs. Necrovion, with some side stories about characters which seem to have little personality for their lauded roleplaying abilities as rpcs. Also can't help but feel there is some bias. Read the adventure log and compare the characters of Necrovion to those of Golemus. At times the Golemus party seems stupid with the repeated shouts of "Master Wodin!", but the characters of Necrovion are infuriatingly shallow. The leader is crazed and pathetic, alliance members are fearful of his lack of intellect and are referred to as "Kiddies" as if to characterize them as minions or cronies, Braiton is callous and also annoyingly dislikeable in his petty behavior/thoughts. In the last updates, a cliche magic ritual summoning something with blood sacrifice.. whoo, dark magic. Necrvovion is depicted like the stereotypical bad side in trashy fantasy stories written by people who don't read a lot except of the same bad material they write. I got the impression that the dark world of magicduel had more depth.

Either the portrayal of the adventure log is accurate and the rpcs are roleplayers who can't develop their characters, or the adventure log itself lacks in creativity and instead makes up lamentable details which don't correspond to what they describe. Either way, discouraging. Even with all the mistakes it had when the game owner was writing it, it was better before the job was handed to the Archivists. There are many unprofessional and annoying mistakes now. Proofreading shouldn't be so hard when supposedly these are good writers who know English... I don't mean to offend, only to give critical feedback I felt the adventure log deserved and wasn't receiving (does no one else feel this way?). Although I've had accounts on this game for a while, I don't play often because it fails hold my interest and it was out of sheer boredom I read the forums today. I hope you appreciate my honest if severe opinion, because I spent effort writing this much.

Kudos to whoever wrote RJ smashed a clay model of a bunny in his anger. There are some parts I enjoyed in the adventure log, just wish they were more common.

[Metal Bunny]

[quote name='maggot' post='16503' date='Sep 12 2008, 03:01 AM']Kudos to whoever wrote RJ smashed a clay model of a bunny in his anger. There are some parts I enjoyed in the adventure log, just wish they were more common.[/quote]

Do you want me to come and haunt you? Or are you just a 'special' kind of 'person'?

[maggot]

Don't understand what you mean by special kind of person in quotes, but just meant it was a creative detail more entertaining and reflected character details more. Characterized the role in a way which seemed rare reading the log.

Find it slightly annoying offered criticism is ignored when it was asked for in the first place. Another wasted effort, and shows how much the community cares about the so-important Adventure Log. At least not enough to say they disagree, if they even care at all. So it's the game story or the players or both. Either way, just one more minus..

Ticked.

[Ren]

I did not ignore your comments. BUT, I cannot really do too much about it. The point is not to make this awesome, twist and turn plot that no one can follow until the very end and then it all wraps up. It's to make a fun story that people can get into, and involve themselves in the game with. The Adventure Log is not just there for you to read and criticize the grammar. It is there to encourage you to involve yourself in the game, and find your place among the roleplaying community. It's hard at first. There are a lot of ideas floating about, so not all of them can be chosen. But, that only means they aren't chosen for the AL. If you still choose to RP your part, that's your choice, and when it grows in time, you might just get that AL entry you wanted so long ago. It's not just a story because it is at least partially restricted to what players do in the game. Past that, it's all perspective.

[maggot]

Nice to know that the post was read. But I do not think that because the story is interactive and is supposed to realistically portray what occurs ingame justifies the way it is written. What are you making this topic for then, when you should easily know yourself whether or not the Adventure Log is doing that little? Yes, the bias commented on and the feeling of a cliche story is perspective, but legitimate. Don't want made up events. You can characterize the rpcs without distorting what happened ingame. All the details mentioned concerning the flat characterization of Necrovion seemed made up by the writers at least. Maybe Braiton wanted his character to come across as it was portrayed, but doubt that the members of the Necrovion alliance called themselves Kiddies. You take that liberty, can take the same liberty in trying to characterize roleplayers as if they had depth, like when RJ smashes the clay model of the bunny. You'd hope that you're trying to portray the personality of the roleplayers which go through your selecting process. Right now all I see is either the characters aren't owning up to the roleplayers, or the roleplayers don't have any defining features.

Otherwise, might as well limit your writing to the cold hard facts of player interaction and events ingame when doing more isn't making the story better. And probably be more selective in the ideas you write about.. because the Adventure Log won't seem very involving when the bulk of it is about typical evil with dark sacrifice rituals v. good with revered leader that's revived and overcomes assassination attempts. Just can't get over how all the roleplayers seem to be material for stock characters. Feels like not much effort is put in the right places.

P.S. don't see much improvement concerning stylistic errors, either.

[Chewett]

[Redacted]

Edited December 18, 2012 by Chewett
Redacted

[Logan Marquis]

I will respond with only this...

The biggest problem with the AL is it's limited amount of space with which to put a given post. When one has to summarize a very large amount of things while still trying to hold true to the character, it would lose a LOT of quality substance.

So I ask you this instead...

Substance or Character?

[Chewett]

[Redacted]

Edited December 18, 2012 by Chewett
Redacted