When I was young (yeah, I am not young anymore ) I was shy and not confident in my abilities. I was afraid to take credit for what I did and others, somehow, always seemed to be better, smarter, more succesful. Through a number of very tough challenges, challenges that were close to break me completely, I learned something new. I learned- I can do (almost) anything. Only limitations I have are those in my head - my thoughts, my rules, my beliefs. Some - set by myself, others - planted in by culture, family, friends etc. This realization gave a feeling of being (almost) superhuman. And, oh dear, I abused this feeling! For many years it carried me around, allowed me to do things I (and people around me) never thought possible. Until one day I realized how tired I actually am. Being driven by my mission, realizing that I have many possibilities I fought as if there was no tomorrow. Until I stopped. The "almost" of being an "almost huperhuman" got back at me and hit me hard. It took time and effort to realize that boundaries, that I so carelessly get rid of years ago, were not only limiting my actility. At the same time they were protecting me from destroying myself. I also realized that people love superheroes, because with a superhero around they can lean back and do nothing.
So now I am trying to find a healthy balance between my possibilities and limits, which in itself presents a big challenge. Setting boundaries to myself feels like limiting my freedom, feels like failing. It takes a lot of mental and physical work to say NO, to get some rest instead of go head over heels to be able to stripe away another item off my endless to-do list. Still I force myself to do it, because only when I am healthy and sane I can function, be happy and make people around me happy.
Sincerely, not-so-superhuman Eara