DARK DEMON

I was not like most people, I was "unacceptable", and it was a really hard time for me. I did do many things on my own without asking Mur, eg: crafted the Ring and started rp with that (which caused http://magicduel.invisionzone.com/topic/15752-the-labyrinth-continued/ . Again, everyone just expects/assumes too much and demanded each and everything there and then... I mean, I create an item and people think that I expect to have lots of power granted). Even the research I did, I only presented to him after starting and finishing it by myself. I haven't done anything community related with it yet, I know, but then again, I've got to know myself first before starting on others. Rophs gave me an INCREDIBLE idea to work on, but because he said it in public and not in private, I cannot use it. (not blaming here, so please don't take it that way)

I did not go to Mur recently asking for any reward, nor have I ever during our talks expect to be rewarded. I am extremely surprised/impressed as to how you keep coming up with an endless number of these assumptions, to be honest :) I've been speaking to him (not much though) for quite a long time and the only reason I did so at first was to ask if Laby citizenship was possible. Then I saw he had an open mind to it, and that gave me motivation to start it off. It was my (huge) mistake to quote Burns' entire post, instead of the part I specified, so please forgive me on that.

My example was just that: an example. I did "actually read", and I was referring to this part: Original statement still stands, because I'm not referring to recent events, I'm referring to the anti-Mur attitude most people have. If you don't trust him to talk to people, how do you expect him to give info?

That's mostly all I'm going to focus on now. The last thing I need is people (eg: you) abandoning me. Edit: Mur, it seems like you think its all over and I've given up on my Laby role? You should know that I have not and will never :)

This looks very attractive and seems the type of thing many people would agree to at first glance, but really when it comes into practice, 90% people are against this. Take the most recent example of me discussing Laby stuff with Mur being highly discouraged by the community, and all kings of wrong assumptions being made.

This. Though I must say, there's absolutely nothing related to RL. I'm actually quite the extrovert in RL. Its just past MD experiences (major humiliation and harassment) instead of RL, but apart from that, you're dead accurate, every single word. I thank everyone for devoting their time and help me through all this, and I'll accept it gratefully (even dst's post here is incredibly helpful). I cannot "please" everyone, but I can try my best to see and make the best possible change I can.

Hi, Mur the player, not the admin. I'd like to discuss more Laby stuff with you in private. Will you please allow me to start another private convo? Thanks, DD

The following is a VERY long, personal and emotional post. I knew I had to end up making it sooner or later. I know that many of you will not change a single thought, and will misinterpret it, and will make a mess of it. This is for the few people that don't do all that. I’ll start by saying that if I didn’t have faults, I wouldn’t be in the position I am right now. Some of you see more faults than there are, some see less, some are vocal about specific ones and make them a bigger issue than they are, and some you don’t even notice. Throughout my time in MD, there have been two…. “phases” I’ve experienced. Sometimes they run separately, but sometimes they overlap. When they overlap, they either result in a lot of anger, or a brief period away from MD. What are these two phases? The first is one in which I try really hard to fit into MD, tried to play “the good guy”, tried to do community stuff, and listened to way too many people. This was usually the time when I didn’t know my way around stuff. What did this cause? It caused “lack of self-respect” in me, “no guts”, “lack of sticking to one thing and constantly switching from one thing to another”, and a definite sense of “you can’t do anything in MD without help from XXX”. And of course, I ended up not pleasing anyone since people expect too much, and then all this was further multiplied by humiliation. The second is when I did my own thing. This happened usually because of failure of the first phase, and hence mostly resulted in overlapping. I did just what I wanted to do, and it undoubtedly caused hatred against me because people are just too used to the old ways. They complain about and ask for change but don’t want to see it at all. What did this cause? It caused “wrong initiative”, “stupidity”, “lack of judgment” (what, to choose my own path? Should I start saying everyone’s judgments and interests are wrong because they don’t match mine?). Then I’ve been asked what my motivations are. Why do I do this, why I act like this, and why don’t I just submit and become as the elite vets say "the proper MD ways"? Since almost day one in MD, I’ve seen a horrible system in which a few people have the power to do anything and drive anything in MD the way they like if they choose. They can make life hell for someone they don't like, and they can ensure (or the famous word: approve) a person they like becomes very "successful" (I don't like to use this word since I believe everyone in MD is successful at some thing or the other). Yes, I threw myself at the dirt and got myself ground on the floor and spat upon, because I will never be one to submit to this, that's just not me. I will never accept these "MD ways", because every way a person can forge in MD is an "MD way". What played a part in urging me on? Well it was the constant hate itself. I realized many things, some of which may be entirely wrong, but they are still things I believe in. What are these things? First came the mere acceptance of the fact that whatever I did, I would always have people hating me for it. Second came the hypocrisy of the people who accused others as hypocrites, just to hide their own. They convinced me that we lack judging skills and what not, and then we see them judge people based on their backgrounds, lands, and false assumptions. They say we don't know how to do anything right, and then we see them constantly becoming and being displayed as a bad example, someone not to follow. And last of course, what hurt me most... that nobody tried to ignore my faults. You think I don't know that public speaking and community talk and "good explanations" is something I'm very bad at? And then you further rub it in my face by constantly twisting meanings. Everybody who judged me deliberately by the worst meanings, and not by my intentions, was shunned by me. And then you force me to do community stuff, rather than letting me do it on my own without pressure, etc. Why? So that you have more ways to get at me. "I absolutely need community approval for this sort of thing." Oh really? Well maybe if you actually let me try, I might have had a small chance. ___________________________________________________ I'll stop here and move on to specifically Curi's post. Know that I have nothing to do with vengeance and I hate every moment of this bickering. My intention was always to prove a point, which I'm sure is pretty clear. I would have reported anyone, not just dst and Eon. The fact that they actually were dst and Eon made no difference to my desire to end this pathetically horrible system I was talking about. Its something I'd been observing for a very long time and I finally got a chance to report it now (because earlier I was told that why do I care about something that's not my business). ___________________________________________________ Now comes Chew. The guy did more than anyone else has done for me, though he doesn't know the guilt I feel of being unable to repay him, or even convey how important he is to me. Yes, I told him not to speak to me for a while, and I still want that to continue, because things were getting very hurtful for both of us. If it makes him feel any better, I would have left MD long ago without him. ____________________________________________________ This is all I can speak for now. There's a lot more, but I just realized how long this is... so yeah... that's it.

Honestly the thing that hurts most is that people were telling me to do stuff to get citizenship, WHILE I was doing stuff to get citizenship, but they thought I was just begging/asking without doing anything. I have faults, and one of them is the biggest "crime" in MD, and I'm suffering from it and trying to move on. But no one wants me to. You want me to remain the same: the guy you demand change from but never let him do so. Edit: I posted this right after Curi posted hers, didn't get a chance to read. But I'm busy right now and will edit or make a new reply later.

If I recall correctly, you were the one that ported us there, and then I brought you back when you left cause we were talking

Great, now go make dst's life hell for harming the community and misusing power too, even if a not-so-similar way.

If people seriously believe that there is no wrong way to use power, then I totally agree with Ailith, there's something TERRIBLY wrong. I repeat, you all are making me use send to ToA the wrong way, don't complain when it actually happens. I've not been told a "no" by anybody so far, in fact I'm seeing repeatedly that spells can be used any way the owner likes, so I'm kind of certain that its indeed allowed; I won't take the blame.

I don't think people know this that I was explicitly told that I was on my own when making these quests, because the more help I got, the less it would be a thing of my own, hence it was discouraged to ask for such help. Yes, you could say it was mostly a test for me to see how I could manage quest-making for the Labyrinth on my own. And now Council agrees that there indeed need to be rules as to where to draw the line on "disrupting quests".

You're blind, rude, and totally pissed at me presumably for my report against dst. You know NOTHING at all and are just speaking on assumptions, and I'm ashamed to ever thought of you to be a respectable person and someone I could seek help from.

Two things. 1) This allows me to use any spell in any possible way to whoever I wish, without considering how greatly it may harm the game? 2) If I didn't approach and discuss that Laby research with you... who else? How can one get non-community things done in this game without some authority figure or the other who makes decisions (which if made publicly, would result in outbursts, because there would ALWAYS be some people who disagree). This even refers to you appointing the judges, the kings, even Chew as the coder. If people don't want that from you, what do they want really? Edit: I think I should say something here; I really feel I should. Mur didn't give me citizenship precisely because he didn't want me to become the Fang. He wanted to make this an example of how to get "solo-roles" in the future (aka non-land roles). But you people really restrict him to nothingness; you don't give him motivation to be active. Don't forget he's a human being too.

Okay then, if there's nothing done in your case, I will indeed do it, since that would mean it is allowed :)

Great, why don't I start teleporting any MP3's I see to ToA? :)

And I just keep repeating: I want this "special treatment" for every quest maker, not just me. Mya was always the type of person who only tried to convince through words, and failed. I won't do the same. I'm tired of seeing this being done to anyone. This stupid monopoly of power, and the arrogance and boldness that comes from nothing being done about it.

To report you :D No way am I gonna post 50+ emails with irrelevant personal talk and discussions in between.

Oh please, I never begged. I went to Mur to make a report. His decision is a huge shock to me.

I never asked for this, Eara. I wanted and still want what Chew said ---> same treatment as all other questmakers; same safeguarding as all other questmakers, and a proper "punishment" (I'm being forced to use this word as I cannot think of any other) for those who had crossed their line way back but are now making it apparent and also being arrogant about it. _________________________________________________________ Such a thing may even backfire badly because my quest may not be up to such high standards. Edit: And this is putting me in a tense pressure situation and not allowing me to focus on my role and do things simultaneously in an efficient way at my leisure.

Stop trying to twist meanings. Talking to council about something bad being done to me would be called a complaint.

Like many people in the past, I decided to have another shot at it even after being hurt. I'm about to include you in the scandal report as well. Your (THIS) post is exactly the reason I sometimes think the community doesn't deserve the time I invest to make a quest, but I'll do it anyway. I indeed don't care about what MOST people think, and you're one of them. But that doesn't stop me from putting away personal issues to do something for the game I love.

I accidentally neg repped Chewy's post. I meant to pos rep it I had an email conversation with Council regarding the quest in which it took convincing, before the quest, to do something to safeguard quests, eg make an announcement.

It took much convincing to make the announcement, The Rich Merchant. And you've got it wrong BOTH sides. It is definitely not a play; it was a serious thing at least for me for me all along. I'm highly disappointed to hear you say this, because I had looked at the situation and thought: "I should stop the quest now because its no use; people will not participate whether you spent 2 minutes trying to keep it going or 10 hours". I didn't report or whine about anything, The Rich Merchant, because I'd already asked Council to safeguard my quest before it started, because I knew that there was no way "some people" could let me do it easily (aka my prediction). After it happened, the announcement obviously had to be put because she'd done just that. What I'm gonna report is NOW, of this continuous nonsense slander and these false accusations dst is making. Highly unprofessional and unreasonable. Zero evidence, just rambling on and on about something she doesn't know about, and then saying that I'm the one blinded. Yes absolutely lash, this is a lot of motivation for those who are trying to make quests. ___________________________________________ To end, I just wanna say that Myth hit the jackpot and said exactly what I was speaking of to Council: where to draw the line. Yes, people have social freedom, but they should not be allowed to go overboard.