These thoughts only appear contradictory in that you call the first system balanced, and the other system unbalanced because of entropy. I think that the second system of feelings or emotions described is also timeless.
The idea of a realm of thoughts/feelings/spirits, call it what you will, is not a new one of course. It's been called the astral plane, the ethereal plane, the spirit world, the mental plane, etc. In such paradigms there's often one such plane, which is paired with the physical realm/plane. In others there are several planes.
In quite a few of these paradigms, these non-physical realms are considered to be 'higher' realms, in that they influence the physical plane from the top down. That is, what happens on those planes 'leaks down' to the physical plane. This could be an effect of entropy. These spirit realms and such are sometimes considered to be timeless, or at least, time is easily moved through.
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If we assume that both thoughts are referring to the same thing, then they are complimentary to each other in that sense. For instance, in the second note, the feelings that don't align with the ones leaked into the present could be assumed to vanish, just like in the first note.
Thus, both notes could be describing the exact same thing as understood in the exact same way. Or, the second note could be an updated version of the first, with corrections. I know that I've often written something down, forgot about it for a moment and let my subconscious think on it, and then come back to write an edited version/new version of my first thought.
You may in fact be 'losing your mind', in a sense. While you don't describe what you study as magic (from what I've read), aspects of it have been called magic by others. If you use your understanding of the world to influence it, then you are practicing magic, especially if you're using understandings that aren't common knowledge. Obviously it's not magic since it's reality, however magic is a convenient term.
Anyone who tries to understand and utilize the inner workings of reality is an Occult Arts Practitioner, that is, a Practitioner of Hidden Arts. It's commonly accepted among occult arts practitioners that anyone who starts a journey to understand reality (whether as a philosopher or a magician) will lose their mind, multiple times over. However, this comes with the territory. What matters most, in my opinion, is being able to keep on living, thinking, and persuing ones goals.
Finding what you're discovering harder and harder to understand, doesn't mean that you're losing your mind. All discoveries lead to more questions, and something that you thought simple and easy to understand before might become complex because of what you know now. I've personally 'lost my mind' by thinking about reality on more than one occassion.
I need to think more on the two notes in question, but hopefully this general advice was helpful. Like attracts like is a common principle in many paradigms. By creating magicduel, you've attracted certain groups of people. Magicduel is a game, therefore you've attracted gamers who will enjoy it as a game. Magicduel is also more than just a game to you, and quite a few others. By creating magicduel, I think you're trying to ideally show your paradigm of reality in an interactive form. Thus, apart from gamers, you've attracted philosophers, those from the social sciences, writers, artists, occultists, wizards, witches, and more.
On a seperate, but related note: You're an artist among other things. Artists are always super-critical of their own work. I've considered many things written by others to be works of genius when compared to mine (especially for more mundane things such as stories). However, when other people comment on my writing and art, they think of it as way better than I did. Of course there's the possibility of considering everything created by oneself to be a work of genius that no one else can achieve, but that's extremely rare.
Although grinding shouldn't be necessary in games, it is necessary in real life, though it's usually a lot more interesting. Thus keep on creating art, keep on thinking and writing of your thoughts of reality, no matter how bad you think of what you produce. There will be many roadblocks, but the important thing is to not give up permanently. It's not the end of the world if you give up on something for awhile, and then come back to it, however consistency is rewarded, as you of course know and practice.
I'm not even going to bother editing this. It's taken a great amount of will to stop writing. Writing and thinking like this feels effortless when I can write one word each second, so I could almost literally go on forever.
Hope this has made some sense to others, and especially you, Mur.