I've seen several things I think require some attention about the tutorial.
First of all I think the introduction is a bit long and requires you to read quite a lot. Point to the top menu, tell them they can read it later if they want to, there'll be plenty of time to do so.
After that the current tutorial requires you to walk back and forth a lot, I'm sure it would be possible to teach them how to walk and look at the map in a few less steps.
Furthermore something that's quite frustrating are all the traps along the road, there are several places with high viscosity (PC balcony, Gate of Ages, Weapon Smith and often even the Aramory) where you might get stuck, you could get sucked into Necrovion or when you click a public meeting link you'll end up at some random place on the map (GoE now) If you get stuck at the Weapon Smith, then at the Gate and then have to wait in the story I'm not surprised you'll stop.
Finally after recruiting if you don't check your scroll you can exit the Aramory and go back to the bull without meeting the shades or getting into story mode.