many of the vets make good points on this particular post. This is by far not the first type of post, nor are you the first person to feel like this. Most all veterans who have and do play this game have gone through a similar period. Being an older person IRL I have learned long ago that creating such a uproar in ones own mind often tends to leave it with nothing more then more questions and an ulsur.
The main thing is to do what you enjoy. Enjoyment is the reason we play games, work so hard at our jobs, and put up with ALOT of other crap. If you truely no longer enjoy something no matter how hard you try its time to move on. Many vets have moved on, some in more graceful ways then others. Those of us that are still here learn to treasure those who we do enjoy.
I have not been nearly as active this last year as in years past. Many new people would know little if anything about Phantasm. You go and ask Z, DST, Sage, WIndy, Amoran, Mya, Peace. Firs, etc etc....and they would have a few good words to say. It is because I enjoy those people, and therefore made enjoyable time with them. THAT is what really matters at the end of the day.
By the way shameless offtopic plug of this. Z is one of my best friends and one of the greatest people I have ever known in this game. If you find yourself frustrated with the game or the drama, and you are truely willing to listen without your own judgement in the way, I think many who lose faith in the game would regain it as quickly as lost. Its getting to know people like that, that make all the "beef" a fine dinner amongst friends.
Hope that helps a little, where you are is not a fun place to be, many of us vets are/were right there.